Recipe: Crunchy Eggs Dinner

It’s time once again for the first time ever for the Dank Thoughts Random Recipe. Tonight’s recipe comes to us not by sheer hunger but by the need to eat a more nutritious breakfast, just at a better time than when you first wake up. Today’s random recipe is the Crunchy Eggs Dinner.
Crunchy Eggs Dinner

Ingredients:

  • 2 fun-sized 3 Musketeers candy bars
  • 2 Apple Cinnamon Leggo waffles
  • 2 Morning Star veggie sausage patties
  • 5 eggs
  • 1/2 cup or so of Ortega Black Bean and Corn mild salsa
  • 1/2 cup or so of chopped pecans
  • 1 to 2 Tablespoons of honey

Recipe:

  1. To get motivated to eat something healthy, first take 2 bars of 3 Musketeers, unwrap and eat them. Sweep away any lingering thoughts of your mother telling you not to eat dessert before your meal.
  2. Place the sausage patties onto a large pre-heated skillet. It’s usually best to have the skillet greased. The Dank Thoughts Random Recipe series usually recommends a generous pad of Smart Balance light buttery spread, but tonight we opted for 1 Tablespoon of Land-o-Lakes unsalted butter.
  3. Crack open the eggs in a typically sized cereal bowl, and beat with a fork until nicely scrambled.
  4. Add salsa, and scramble again.
  5. Add pecans, and scramble again.
  6. Add a Tablespoon or two of honey. Trust me. Do it! DO IT!
  7. If you have any other crap in your pantry that is just about almost getting old, throw it in, too. Frankly, the more shit we can pack into this, the better.
  8. By this point, your sausage patties are burning and would be setting off the smoke alarm, if you have one. Turn over the patties, not with a spatula but with the uber-cool wrist action of the skillet handle that you learned in college.
  9. Insert the waffles into the toaster, and set to desired setting. Turn it on.
  10. Pour the crunchy egg mixture into the skillet, and stare in amazement at this concoction. Not because the eggs and co. are a light shade of brown, but because it is glorious!
  11. The waffles are done! Hurry up and get a LARGE plate, and put the waffles on them. Set the plate down near the skillet, or as close to it as you possibly can.
  12. Agitate the egg mixture with, yes, a spatula. I know I said not to use a spatula for the sausages before, but this is not the time to show off more of that flippy wrist action. Trust me. Don’t do it! DON’T!
  13. Cook to my desired consistency, which is not too dry and not too runny. Imagine the eggs being light and fluffy if it were not for the nuts and the bean-and-corn salsa weighing it down.
  14. Place the glorious feast onto your plate. Pour honey on the waffles AND on the egg mixture. Yes, that is not a typo. If you do this quickly enough, the honey will melt away into the egg mixture, so you won’t see it. But, and this is the best part, you will taste it!
  15. Serves 1, if your shoe size is male and above 12. Serves 3-4 if you’re a woman below size 12.
  16. Comment on this blog your thoughts or suggestions.

Variations:

  1. If the freshness of food is a concern to you, be sure to not use eggs that have a best-by date that is no more than a week before today’s date.
  2. For the vegetarians out there, you may add spinach or other green leaf.
  3. For the vegans out there, using whole ground flaxseed meal as a substitute for eggs is not recommended. That works more for baking, such as the infamous Dank Thoughts “I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Brownie” Cake. Otherwise, the Dank Thoughts Crunchy Eggs Dinner may not be for you.
  4. For the meat lovers out there: Are you kidding? I ate the whole thing and can’t think of adding ANY kind of meat to this.
  5. The only candy bar that you can substitute for the 3 Musketeers is Snickers. But it is not officially part of this recipe because it already really satisfies on its own. If you try to eat Snickers before creating the Crunchy Eggs Dinner, you’ll be done. If that happens, well, you’ll know better next time.
  6. Post a comment with your variation suggestions.

8 Comments

  1. that’s smegging gross! Dark Debbie Destructor of Souls and all of McDonalds is ashamed of their hotcake master now! Hang your head!stumbled on to you by mistake:) (feel the love) looking a bit for your sister:)Ta!

  2. I have no idea who you are! Your profile has no info about you. I just know I worked with you at McDonald’s at one point, and you’ve watched Red Dwarf? Liz? Jen? Debbie herself???

  3. By the way, should anyone try to follow this recipe, you should know that it will come back to haunt you within 24 hours. Just saying.

  4. I just happened to be online. Identity?

  5. Liz:)and you haven’t changed:) well, yeah, now you wear glasses and eat crap but hey, a man has to live right?:)… or die of food poisoning trying.

  6. you did not! okay, you did:)did your sister drop off the planet? you however are all over the net… it’s like you are herpes…you must be so proud:)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

© 2017 Stanley Dankoski

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑